Uncategorized

Disappointment

I went to the gym this morning and after now a full ten days of diet and exercise, I was feeling pretty good. And then BOOM! I did what I 100% SHOULD NOT HAVE DONE – I stepped on the dreaded scale. And guess what. My weight is still at 165. WTF?!? I have been eating what I have been told. I have been exercising every other day, like I was told. And I haven’t lost anything. I do have to get my thyroid checked and in order to do that I need to get bloodworm done that requires fasting. And for whatever reason, I forget every morning when I come downstairs in a haze and quickly grab my first cup of coffee. So I am writing myself a Post-It tonight and leaving it on the coffee machine so that I can find out if the culprit of adding ten pounds this past year; and twenty pounds over the last two years; could possibly be my thyroid. I was talking to my friend about my diet and it is all so boring. Salad, smoothie, salad, no sugar, fruit, veggies and chicken. Tonight I am on my own for dinner. It’s funny in a way. I haven’t had dinner alone for decades now. But I plan on sticking to the Weight Watchers cooking magazine that I picked up for my dinner. I pray my thyroid is low and that will help me lose weight once it’s adjusted because I am wanting to eat a pizza, or at least be able to have a slice every now and again. I loathe the fact that I am now a 39 year old woman who is 55 pounds overweight for her height. I am only five feet tall. So five pounds looks like 25 on me and right now I feel disgusting. I wouldn’t want to have sex with me. So I need to get my groove back. I want to feel sexy again and I want to fit in my clothes again. I have some really really nice clothes that are for a size 8 – and unfortunately right now, I’m at a 14. My goal is a 6 but I would be ok with 8. I’m hoping that buying a juicer (on LetGO) and a FitBit (also on LetGO) will help me to lose this weight that I’m desperate to get off of me….I know I didn’t gain all this weight overnight and I can’t expect to lose it in ten days but I thought at least a pound or two. Maybe that’s an unrealistic expectation on my part.
I meet with my job counselor today and she wants to get to know me and get to know what kind of work I am looking for. Thankfully, I finished my resume this morning so she can help me tweak that up. I am then going to be set up with a work evaluation. I’ll go to a company and do the work I am looking for and will be graded in all areas of the job, including how I socialize and how I take breaks. If I “pass” the evaluation then I will be helped to work on my resume and on my interviewing skills by a coach. But that’s about 40-80 hours of work away right now. It’s still the beginning of an exciting new chapter.

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